ISLANDERS GM MAKES INDECENT PROPOSAL TO SMYTH IN LATE-NIGHT PHONE CALL
Spirit of Jake Plummer staffers shop at those losery Spy Tech stores; we buy bugs and plant those bugs in houses. One such house belonged to
We intercepted the following phone call early this morning:
VOICE CONFIRMED TO BE NEWLY SIGNED
SNOW: Ryan. It’s Garth. It’s…it’s Garth Snow here.
SMYTH: Garth? What the---man, what time is it?
SNOW: It’s about . to be exact.
SMYTH: What the fuck, man, it’s I just looked at my clock. What are you doing calling me at ?
SNOW: Yeah…my clock’s broken. My pet broke it. My cat…dog. My –
SMYTH: Garth, why are you calling me now?
SNOW: Ok, Ryan. We’re business men here, aren’t we? Let’s do some eleventh hour crazy cowboy shit, let’s –
SMYTH: What are you talking about?
SMYTH: OK, so you’re calling to make me another offer. Garth, I told you, I wouldn’t even take seven mil to go back to
SNOW: Yeah, but would you take 12 mil? Huh?
SMYTH: That’s not even possible under the new rules. Garth, you have to stop calling me. You know I picked a new team. You saw on TV that I signed with
SNOW: Oh yeah? Well you know who else picked a new team? Alexander Ovechkin. And guess what team he picked, Ryan?
SMYTH: He’s not even a free agent, Garth. Jesus Christ. You signed those pricks Guerin and Comrie, not Ovechkin. I’m hanging up –
SNOW: I SAID, do you know what team Ovechkin picked?
SNOW. The New York Rangers, that’s who.
SMYTH:…you mean Islanders.
SNOW: Yeah, that’s what I said.
SMYTH: No, you said Rangers.
SNOW: I think I would know what I said.
SMYTH: ….fuck. Whatever. OK, you said Islanders. And I’m hanging up the phone now, Garth.
SNOW : Wait! Wait…I have one final offer. It’s a winner.
SMYTH: I’m sure it is. I’m gonna pass, though Ga –
SNOW: You like…tits? Legs? You like it when some hot…slut…is on you?
SMYTH: What? Stop talking.
SNOW: My wife, Erica…she’s a treasure. She’ll treat you nice. She’ll do whatever you want. You want her to shit on ya?