Thursday, November 8, 2007

Friday Fun Links (and MORE!):

Kev the Intern sucks. You know it. we know it. That’s why we found it particularly strange that he came up with a Fun Links theme that didn’t suck and was, in fact, pretty good. We don’t know, it’s some ying and yang shit. Anyway, the Intern is treating us to some vids of the greatest running backs of all time. His football picks and a few random thoughts will follow:

Barry Sanders, ballerina and running back extraordinaire.

Sweetness. This montage features a healthy does of running plays and, oddly, twice as many touchdown passes than Joey Harrington has thrown this season.

Whoops, shouldn’t have spoken so soon about sucky Kev finding non-sucky links. Here’s a photo montage of Jim Brown. Thanks Kev, but we’ve got plenty of old football magazines buried in the basement. At least he made up for it with this.

Random Thoughts of the Week

The massive fellatio fest that is the New England Patriots media circus has cast shadows over some other amazing stories this year -- namely, the Ottawa Senators, who’ve “quietly” started the season 13-2-0 (they lost 4-1 to Washington last night). No NHL team has ever done that. But you won’t see them gracing the cover of Sports Illustrated any time soon. Shit, we’re Leaf fans, and even we think the Sens are being disrespected. The fact that an NFL team has gone 16-0 before, that it’s even possible, should put in perspective just how ridiculous it is for an NHL team to go 13-2.

Marshawn Lynch is tough. Tougher than expected.

Remember when Jason Blake had leukemia? Does he remember? He’s playing like a healthy man.

Sports world, please, please stop unearthing more steroid users. WE GET IT. Everyone uses. You tell your kids Santa is fake once. You don’t remind them every day to rub salt in the wound.

Why is Baltimore still playing Steve McNair? Why is ER still on? Why are they still making Halloween sequels? Do people still eat black licorice? How did George W. get elected twice? How did Jesse “the Body” Ventura get elected once? How is Jack Bauer still alive?

Mad respect to Mike Lowell. A strong defender who had a monster year and deserves the praise he’s received. But as hot as Lowell is right now, is it really a good idea for Boston to bring him back? The warning signs are there. He’ll be 34 when the 2008 season starts and he’s likely to want at least a three-year deal. Plus, he had a huge season in his contract year. A bit scary. Not Michelle Tafoya scary, but scary nonetheless.

Speaking of scary, the Celtics truly look terrifying. Not only do the Big Three look dominant, they also look unselfish, like they want to win. Did you see Ray Allen knock down a trey last night – after great picks by Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce?

What’s with everyone saying the Pats won’t go 16-0 because they’ll sit Tom Brady in Week 17? Let’s weigh the options here for Brady and Bill Belichick. Rest up in anticipation of a fourth Super Bowl Ring, or take your chances with the second undefeated season in NFL history. Hmm… which would you choose?

You know what we don’t need in our lives right now? The Toronto Raptors shitting the bed like Kev after his 23rd birthday (seriously). On Tuesday, the Leafs were visiting Ottawa. Thankfully, or so we thought, we could get away with missing the slaughter because the Raps were playing well. Our reward? The Milwaukee fucking Bucks shooting 60 per cent from the field. At least we could flip to the Leafs’ 5-1 loss during commercials. Anyway, on with more Kev the Intern bed-shitting:

Kev’s Picks (season record: 4-10)

Each Friday, Kev picks football games. Bear in mind, he is a parasite, a disease of football picking. They’re more pathetic than Fat Camp.

Thank Christ I didn't have to post one of these last week. I've never been so cock-sure about a Pro-line ticket in my life; I went out and spent the $300 winnings. Well, it sure blew up in my face. But, luckily for me, you guys turned into lazy asses and took a week off and saved my bacon. Looking back, lord know why I'm typing this because I'm sure it'll get posted and come back to haunt me. As will using the terms "cock-sure", "blew up in my face" and "asses" in the same paragraph.

Well, here is my sure-fire Pro-line card of the week!!

Detroit (+1) @ Arizona
Seems that Jon Kitna and his "god" may be more right than we realize about the Lions’ 10-win season. I'm trying to figure out how the Cardinals are favoured in this one, all things considered. Detroit will win this one, pretty easily.

Minnesota @ Green Bay (-6)
Hurk and Larkin have been pullin' it all year to their life-sized poster of Brett Favre. Rightfully so. Favre's been great, and his team's benefiting from it. Who else has been great? All Day. For Minny to win, AD's gonna have to bring it again, and to quote a Vikes-crazed friend of mine, "Minnesota is 2-0 in games where Peterson rushes for over 220 yards." Well, I fucking hope so. He's going up against a top-10 run defense, and I wouldn't expect another 296-yard performance. I also wouldn't expect Minnesota to win on the road in this divisional match-up. The guys chafe their penises a little more and the Pack wins.

Atlanta @ Carolina (-4)
Grossssss. Honestly, will anyone be watching this game? Why am I even betting on this? Not entirely sure. Just for kicks, and to make this game "entertaining," they should pull the ol' switcheroo and have the “O” play the “D” and vice versa. Joey Harrington can't be worse at free safety can he? Can he? Umm... take... Carolina?

Buffalo (-3) at Miami
Oh, my Dolphins. At least they didn't lose last week. Godspeed to the bye week. I was recently made aware of the irony that Miami's QB's name is Lemon. Get it? He sucks! Even the '72 Phins are turning into huge douchebags after Shula's comment that the Pats going 16-0 deserves an asterisk. Really, to any new NFL fan out there, there are no redeeming qualities to the Miami Dolphins franchise. As shitty as the city of Buffalo is, its team has been surprisingly good (and if they didn't BLOW that game against Dallas in hilarious Bill-like fashion, they'd be riding a five-game win streak). It pains me to go against the Phins. Which means they will win. But take the Bills. Does that make sense?

Cincinnati @ Baltimore (-4)
Steve McNair’s numbers last week: 13 for 22, 63 yards and a pick. That's money folks. It's a good thing he's tough. Last time I made fun of Brian Billick's horrendous, horrendous offense, they came through with 20-plus points. Luckily for them, they’re playing the oh-so disappointing Bungles (they're back!). That being said, Cincy could explode for 40 points at any moment. I've spent four hours trying to balance out Cinci's horrible defense against Baltimore's horrible offense. It's like trying to decide if you'd prefer to have Mad Cow Disease or the Flesh Eating Virus. I'm taking Mad Cow. Take Cincy!

(Looking back, I don't think I could have chosen a more helter-skelter group of games. Every one of these has the possibility of blowing up in my face)

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