Our weekly look at the douchiest things in sports:
2. DON SHULA – Asterisk, shmasterisk, you wrinkly-balled piece of shit. Fact:
3. DONOVAN MCNABB – He was at his whiney best last week, complaining that he shouldn't shoulder all the blame for Philly's woes this season. You’re right, Donovan, but shut the fuck up already. All this guy does is bitch. When you play the most scrutinized position in sports and have a $100-million contract (oh yeah, and you’re black), you’re going to be blamed when things go wrong. Grow some fucking balls, or just go home and suckle on your momma’s fat, Chunky Soup-flavored tit, you sobbing vagina.
4. JEREMY ROENICK’S 500TH GOAL – We’re not calling Roenick douchey here, though no one would fault us if we were. This is all about the goal. The shitty, shitty goal. It was more anticlimactic than the time we went to Kev’s “dance recital” only to find Kev doing the splits alone in a church basement while Milli Vanilli played on a ghetto blaster.
5. THE PGA SILLY SEASON. Jesus. It’s November, guys. You’ve won millions of dollars. Have you no souls? Take a rest and spend time with your families. The world can survive without the Coco Puffs Cheetos Open. Well, most of it can. Canadian golfers need these tourneys to have a chance at winning.
8. ITALIANS – Riots, arrests, a fan inadvertently shot by police. Just another “episode of soccer-related unrest” in
On second thought…
9b. BASEBALL -- $18 million a year is a “lowball” offer? Cue the apocalypse.
10. PEYTON MANNING – Six interceptions against the Chargers? We know he might as well have had Kevin Everett running post patterns out there, but maybe somebody has been spending a bit too much time hawking (name any product you can think of) and not enough time in film.