Friday, October 12, 2007

Friday Fun Links: Goalie Madness

Goalie hijinx.

Oh, NHL goalies. So quirky. Always talking to goalposts, refusing to step on the blue line, robbing banks.

That’s right. Robbing banks. While Kev was searching for porn the other day, he typed in “babysitter and Theo Fleury” and came up with this video. Oh yeah, the old Nike NHL goalie vids! Luckily for us, he sent us a batch of those for Friday Fun Links (which is better/much less creepy than the time he sent four gigs of babysitter porn).

Here they are for your viewing pleasure:

The Babysitter

Crazy French landscaper

Bank robbery and the aftermath

Cab driver

Dial-a-Psychic

Panhandler

Custodial engineer

Fast food jockey

The bus stop

One last order of business. Beginning this weekend, Kev is going to make football picks. Now, we don’t want you going out and actually taking his advice. In fact, you’re best off choosing the exact opposite of Kev’s picks. He’s a parasite, a disease of football gambling. His selections are more pathetic than when he loses said picks, gets depressed, and spends all night watching Three’s Company reruns and eating an entire jar of mayonnaise and a large stick of pepperoni (he likes to dip). You’ve been warned.

Each Wednesday, we’ll evaluate his picks in the PUP.

If there's one thing The Intern is known for, it's compulsive gambling. The two trips I made to Las Vegas this year proved that outright. When you’re drinking beer on a pool patio and there are scantily-clad women around and all you're thinking about is getting back to the blackjack table, you know you have a problem.

Philly (-3) at NYJ
The Eagles are sixth in defense against the run. The Jets are the 29th best running team in the league, averaging a whopping 77.0 yards/game. When you combine that with the Pennington's wet noodle arm, you can book the Eagles to win and cover in this game.

Tennessee at Tampa (-3)
A battle of quarterbacks who can scramble and can win games for their team. One of them has a huge ego, the other might have an enormous crush on the other. Tampa has won three of their last four but played New Orleans, St. Louis and a David Carr-led Carolina. Not exactly teams to write home about. My brain says "home teams win 60% of the games in the NFL", but my gut is saying "take the underdog!!" So I will. Tennessee, and they cover.

New Orleans at Seattle (-6.5)
Let's face it, with Shaun Alexander running so upright his entire career, he was bound to get hurt... and he sure has. Coach Holmgren says Maurice Morris will get more carries this week. Oh yeah, Seattle’s fullback and second-most aptly named player in the NFL, Mack Strong, announced his retirement on Monday (the most aptly named? Injured Vikings RB Joey Goodspeed). What does that mean? My fantasy team is getting fucked. Who wins this game, you ask? The 'Aints sure are struggling but should be due. Seattle looked like crapola against a good Pittsburgh team, but is at home. Seattle breaks New Orleans like a weak levy and wins, but New Orleans will cover.

St. Louis at Baltimore (-9.5)
-9.5? -9.5?! Does it make sense to post a spread of 9.5 points for a team that wouldn't have covered this last week if they had shut out their opponent? St. Louis blows, but Brian Billick figuring out offense is like Helen Keller trying to figure her way out of a hedge maze. Baltimore will win this, but that's just because the Rams are so shitty on D. Rams will cover.

New England (-5) at Dallas
We all witnessed Romo suck in Dallas' HILARIOUS victory over the Bills. I found it strangely ironic how Madden kept referring to Favre as an "Old Tony Romo," but then on Monday night, Romo turned into a young Brett Favre. Well, he won't suck that bad this week, but he still won't win. The Pats are the best team in the league, and they'll put pressure on Romo to try and induce the same sort mistakes as last week. They'll win, but Dallas will keep it close at home. The Pats pull away at the end, win and cover.

Interesting Stat:
New England's Record: 5-0
Rest of AFC East, Combined: 2-13

3 comments:

Denomme said...

Kev's football picks can't be any worse than your baseball picks!

Kevin said...

I appreciate the support... even if it's a backhanded compliment.

Anonymous said...

The NHL Goalie commercials made my whole week.