Thursday, August 2, 2007

Three Stars (and one team that should grab a beer and chill out)

Last night’s studs:

1. JASON JENNINGS – Yes, this is the same Jason Jennings that gave up 11 runs in two thirds of an inning and earned a spot as a “dud” on Monday. Jennings swatted a two-out, pinch-hit RBI single to give Houston a 12-11 win over Atlanta. From SOJP dud to SOJP stud in a matter of days? We smell a heart-warming Disney flick starring Shia LeBeouf as Jennings and Rip Torn as the mean coach who’s hard on Jennings because he knows how much potential he has.

2. VLADDY GUERRERO – Stalled for a whopping 30 games, Big Bad Vlad broke the longest home run drought of his career with two homers in a 6-4 win over Oakland. After mashing his first tater, his teammates gave him the silent treatment in the dugout to tease the slugger. We assume they gave him oral sex after the second.

3. EVANDER HOLYFIELD – The former heavyweight champion will get another title shot, as he’s been announced as a replacement for Ruslan Chagaev in a bout against Sultan Ibragimov (Listen to those names! It’s a golden age for boxing!). In his comeback, Holyfield is seeking his record fifth heavyweight championship, and it’s kind of cool because A) he’s 45 years old, and B) it gives us an excuse to show this (skip to 1:06 of the clip).

AND ONE TEAM THAT SHOULD GRAB A BEER AND CHILL OUT: THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS – Brew Crew catcher Johnny Estrada and manager Ned Yost nearly came to blows during a 12-4 loss to the Mets. The pair got into a classic “heated exchange” in the tunnel leading from the dugout to the clubhouse, eventually needing to be separated by teammates and coaches. Isn’t this supposed to be the young Milwaukee team that is high on life, each other and baseball? Perhaps trouble is – brewing! (zing)

“It’s our business,” says Prince Fielder. So is staying up till four in the morning watching Starsky and Hutch reruns while polishing off an economy-sized jar of mayonnaise, Prince, but we’d still like to hear you admit you have a problem.


malcolm said...

Huge snub on the stars list: Alouettes receiver Ben Cahoon, who kicked last night's winning field goal for Montreal against Toronto in place of ejected kicker Damon Duval.

Spirit of Jake Plummer said...

Dude, everyone plays multiple positions in high school, it's not that big a deal.

Anonymous said...

I've never polished off a jar of mayonnaise, but I did drink what was left of a container of Swiss Chalet sauce once when I was "the opposite of low".

What? That shit's tasty!