Thursday, August 2, 2007

Friday Fun Links: little shopping network of horrors

When you never go anywhere on Friday nights, you masturbate. When you take breaks between tuggin' sessions, you watch the home shopping channel. Like Kev the Intern.

Here's a list of the best shopping network blunders Kev could find. We trust his expertise; he owns more crappy knives (that's four easy payments of $19.99!!!) than anyone we know.

You have to love "Odell", the voice of reason, calming viewers after this downy skewers himself. Something tells us Odell had emergency surgery of his own one day, and it involved removing a piece of his frontal lobe.

This clip isn’t as funny, since nobody gets hurt (unless you count the call screener who was immediately fired and wound up fishing through dumpsters for skunky meat and half-full cartons of milk so his kids wouldn’t get made fun of at school because they didn’t have a lunch. Thanks, Dad!).

Ladders: great for climbing stuff and removing those two front teeth you never wanted.

This dude gets dominated by another ladder. Funny how the lady on the phone keeps the sales pitch going as the TV talent stands there like a deer in the headlights. But hey – “He’s moving,” so everything turned out fine. Brain damage is a myth.

“Now let me show you something really impressive.” It truly is an impressive display. We’re impressed that the host has a job. We're impressed he successfully got dressed in the morning. We're impressed he learned the English language (or any, for that matter). And we're impressed he went 40 seconds on air without defecating in his pants.

Our hearts hurt for this poor guy. He’s shaking uncontrollably as he shows off his pride and joy….and, well, he flat out accidentally explodes it with his bare hands. Do you think the same thing happened when he showed off his firstborn child? And does the awesomeness outweigh the sadness? Yep.

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