Last night’s studs:
1. AARON HARANG AND KEN GRIFFEY JUNIOR -- Harang gave up four hits and struck out eight over eight innings, while Junior knocked in the game’s only run and made two huge defensive plays in a 1-0 win over L.A. Basically, Harang and Griffey beat the Dodgers single handily. Actually, we’re pretty sure each had an arm tied behind their backs. Really. It was nuts.
2. GARRETT ATKINS -- The Rockies pounded Milwaukee like a Star Wars junkie pounds his penis after meeting Mark Hamill. Atkins led the way with four hits and six RBIs, though plenty of other Rockies contributed to Colorado’s 23 hits and 19-4 win.
3. MATT CAIN -- Cain threw six innings of shut out ball and hit his first career home run in a 5-0 win over the Triple-A Toledo Mud Hens. Or maybe it was the Washington Nationals. Meh, whatever.
AND ONE GUY WHO WE’RE SURE IS ENJOYING HIS SOUR GRAPES: CHIPPER JONES -- Jones says if and when Alex Rodriguez approaches Barry Bonds’ home run record, he too will face questions about steroids. Jones’ words come after Jose Canseco made some veiled comments about A-Rod, saying he has “other stuff” on him and he “was not all he appeared to be.”
Look, guys. We’re tired of the whole steroid thing. We’re burnt out. Barry got his record, now can we just forget about the whole thing for the next 10 years? Besides, we know A-Rod probably sticks stuff in his ass, but we doubt it’s a needle.