Last night’s studs:
1. ADRIAN BELTRE – he single-handedly carried Seattle to a 3-2 win over the Tigers last night. After driving in two runs on a bases-loaded single to tie the game in the fifth, he was caught in a run down. With some crafty deking and juking, he stayed alive long enough for Richie Sexson to score the go-ahead run from first. His neat little dance kinda reminds us of WHEN HE HIT 48 HOME RUNS IN A SEASON. What the fuck?
2. MICHAEL BISHOP – in a high-school bash against the Calgary Stampeders, Michael Bishop tossed three TDs for the victorious Toronto Argonauts before leaving with a wrist injury. His mom wrote him a note saying he can’t participate in gym class today.
"Michael’s a good boy," said Toronto head coach Morty Finkelstein, who’s also Bishop’s geography teacher. "He’ll miss phys Ed today but he makes up for it with that wonderful project on volcanoes he did. You should see the colourful Bristol board!"
3. MICHAEL CUDDYER – his four-for-four night helped the Twins take down the A’s 6-2. Is it "Cudd-eye-yer" or "Cudd-yer"? No one knows, including his parents. Someone solve this for us, please.
AND ONE DOCTOR WHO’S PITCHING LIKE A DENTIST THIS SEASON: ROY HALLADAY – what’s with the Doc? Does he miss his appendix or something? We can’t remember the last time he looked this Un-Doclike. If he of all people can’t take down the BoSox, J.P. Ricciardi can book his ticket out of town now.