Monday, July 30, 2007

Three Stars (and one guy who could've been replaced by a tee-ball tee yesterday with the same results. No, better results): Cal and Tony join the Hall

The weekend's studs:

1. CAL RIPKEN JR. AND TONY GWYNN -- If you had to entrust your children to two ballplayers during an emergency, you couldn't find two better picks than these class acts. Cramming them in the Hall-of-Fame was a slam-dunk choice. Side note: imagine entrusting, say, A.J. Pierzynski with your kids? "What? What do you want from me? Your fuckin' kid was crying when I was trying to watch Texas Chain Saw Massacre, so I hit him."

2. MILT STEGALL -- Eek, another CFL pick! Hopefully this is the last for a while. But we have to give props to Winnipeg wideout Stegall, who set the all-time league touchdown mark Friday. So what if half the corners he beat to the endzone over the years were slower than NFL linebackers? 139 career TDs is impressive.

3. ALBERTO CONTADOR -- Ugh. He won the Tour de France. It's still kind of a big deal, right? So we should honour him? Feels like we're at some corporate function for the evil CEO's birthday. Everyone hates him and knows he's a heartless, phoney bastard, yet we're forced to kiss his ass and sing to him through gritted teeth.

AND ONE GUY WHO COULD'VE BEEN REPLACED BY A TEE-BALL TEE YESTERDAY WITH THE SAME RESULTS. NO, BETTER RESULTS: JASON JENNINGS. 11 earned runs in two thirds of an inning? What? How? How could Astros manager Phil Garner leave him in that long? We can only assume Garner found out Jennings banged his wife and left him in for revenge.

Says Hurk: "It's like he didn't realize he was in a major league game. Was he asleep on the mound? Maybe it wasn't Jason Jennings. Maybe he has a lousy athlete twin brother, and they did one of those 'let's switch as a joke' things twins do."


malcolm said...

I once umpired a tee-ball game where a kid struck out.

Anonymous said...

How about Jim Furyk? Poor bastard won the Canadian Open for the second straight time, and now has to return to defend yet again. I swear that Vijay blew up on purpose, so he wouldn't have to come back to this Nationwide tour event.

Ravi said...

Kudos on the CFL picks...perhaps you could have included the Saskatchewan Roughriders D as well for the absolute clinic they put on the Eskimos (as much as it sucks to admit)...