Thursday, August 16, 2007

Thursday Challenge: 22 funny places to imagine Bobby Cox getting ejected from besides a baseball game



This week, Bobby Cox was ejected a record 132nd time -- and a 133rd time for good measure. It got us wondering -- isn’t it likely Cox has been exploding off the field as well? After all, the best don’t become the best until they focus solely on their craft; they take their work home. But where exactly does the Atlanta Braves manager blow up when he’s not in uniform, and what does it take to set this ticking time bomb off?


Thursday Challenge has all the answers: Twenty-two places off the baseball diamond where we figure Bobby Cox goes more spastic than a Special Ed kid after eating a bag of sugar. The best part is picturing Cox unleashing his 27 years of angry baseball experience, berating some poor sap in a position of limited authority at any given location or establishment.


Take no. 8, for example. Just picture Cox screaming,”12 bucks for a damn omelette!? What do you take me for? WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?”


And a pock-marked assistant manager trying to fight him off: “It’s store policy, sir. It’s just store policy. There’s nothing I can do. I…I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”


Then picture Bobby kicking chairs and tossing napkins at the guy's feet. There you have it! Just apply that scenario to each of these ejection locations:


1. A gentleman’s club (No touching the boobies, Bobby!)


2. Checking out his groceries (Cashier scans his jar of pickles twice)


3. His wife’s bed (Dutch oven causes rift between him and Mrs. Cox)


4. His wife’s vagina (sometimes he tries the Dutch oven while they’re having sex)


5. Chuck E. Cheese (stuffed rat skimped on the pepperoni)


6. His grandson’s room (stupid punk hogs the Xbox)


7. Wal-Mart Superstores (their vast size confuses and infuriates him)


8. Denny’s (argues $11.95 for an Ultimate Omelette is a crime against humanity, lets assistant manager know it)


9. Men’s washroom (finds the guy at the door with all the cologne too pushy for tips)


10. Flea market (is frustrated because he looks like a fool when the “antique” ottoman he got a deal on is worth nothing at Antiques Road Show)


11. Circus (finds bears riding mini-bikes unsettling)


12. Hooters (No touching the boobies, Bobby!)


13. His daughter’s wedding (disapproves of premarital sex, lashes out at groom’s father)


14. His neighbour’s yard (Jim next door borrowed hedge trimmer with a full tank of gas, returned it empty)


15. Downtown Atlanta parking spot (tries explaining to meter maid he “only left it there for five minutes)


16. Holiday Inn Express (feels slighted, doesn’t seem any smarter like those guys in the commercials)


17. The set of The View (no touching the boobies, Bobby!)


18. University classroom (professor’s evolution lecture is “the devil’s talk”)


19, Blockbuster Video (he returned Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous months ago! What’s with the Gestapo treatment?)


20. Phil Mickelson’s car (no touching the boobies, Bobby!)


21. United Airlines flight 145 (he has a right to recline his seat)


22. A public pool in an Atlanta suburb (if the kids are allowed to pee in the pool, why can’t he?)

2 comments:

Kevin said...

Of course you would put up an article about the greatest arguer ever. Lord knows I heard enough shouting matches back at Beaufort. Good for Bobby. He led our Jays to our first division title, way back in '85. Maybe our current skipper could learn something.

Chels said...

I don't know who this Bobby guy is...because I'm a girl...but that list is hilarious no matter who the person in the scenarios is! Good job boys, on making a sports illiterate gal entertained nonetheless. SPORTS illiterate...I can read.