The weekend’s studs:
1. MICAH OWINGS -- On Saturday, the Diamondbacks pitcher did his best Babe Ruth impression. Pitching in Atlanta near his hometown of Gainesville, GA., Owings notched seven strikeouts over seven innings, giving up three runs and three hits, AND went four for five at the dish with a double, two homers, six RBI and four runs scored. Micah. Owings. We’d make a joke but our heads just exploded.
2. JOHAN SANTANA -- Yesterday, the Twins ace fanned 17 batters -- he didn’t shake off catcher Mike Redmond once -- and gave up just two hits through eight innings in a 1-0 win over the Rangers. Finally, people in Minnesota have a reason to live besides Charles Schultz and a couple of Oscars for Fargo. Wait, Fargo is in North Dakota? Looks like it’s suicide for you after all, Minnesotans.
3. ROGER FEDERER -- Federer wins another title, the 50th of his career. The sun also came up and A-Rod still (presumably) has a small dick. Ho hum. Until Federer wins playing left handed or with a racket made before he was born, he’s not getting any higher than third star.
AND ONE GUY WHO’S HANGING AROUND TO PIGGYBACK ON TOM BRADY FOR A SUPER BOWL RING: VINNY TESTAVERDE -- Just die, already.