Three Stars (and one guy who cried himself to sleep last night)

Last night’s studs:

MARK TEIXEIRA – The man keeps on mashing; he smacked two bombs and drove in six as the Braves routed the Reds last night. Calling him an Atlanta folk hero might be an understatement now. No, Georgians can’t spell his name yet, but we’re pretty sure they can’t spell Georgia either, so we’ll give them a mulligan.

JEFF CIRILLO – The Diamondbacks backup infielder and pinch hitter stayed in to pitch the ninth last night…and struck out Craig Counsell with an ugly knuckleball en route to a scoreless inning. Counsell hung his head all the way to the dugout (and, presumably, all the way home, where his wife told him he was sleeping on the couch because the kids were going to get picked on at school the next morning. Way to go, dad.)

YOVANI GALLARDO – The Bizarro world strikes again. The rookie hurler, who sounds like a smokin’ hot supermodel, threw six scoreless innings but really turned heads when he smashed a Doug Davis offering over the left field wall for his first career homer. Everybody wants to be Rick Ankiel now. A pitchers-who-can-suddenly-hit steroid investigation looms.

AND ONE GUY WHO CRIED HIMSELF TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT: MARK REYNOLDS – Another pick from the D-Backs/Brewers game? Maybe we had a bit too much strawberry wine during last night’s Golden Girls marathon. Anyway, Reynolds. What a piece of feces. He struck out four times, made a bad error at third that led to a three-run Brewers inning, and even let a foul ball drop in front of him. If he had a game like that in little league, he’d be walking home. No ride on the motorbike with daddy.

Almost unrelated side note: You know how players often get the pie in the face during post-game interviews after a good game? Maybe guys who stink it up should get a negative food stuffed in their face. Like a peanut butter and cockroach sandwich.