Thursday, July 5, 2007

Three Stars (and a vice prominently displayed at a certain hotdog eating contest yesterday that should probably leave us all feeling a little ashamed)

Last night’s studs:

1. JEREMY ROENICK -- Rumours abound that J.R. is finally hanging up his skates after he text messaged The Philadelphia Enquirer to inform them of his decision. The centre is third all-time in goal scoring among Yankees and a nine-time All-Star. Many people are turned off by flamboyant, loud-mouth athletes, but there was always something charming about Roenick. Here’s an excerpt from a piece we did last year on which athletes would make the best college roommates:

“Sure, Jeremy Roenick would piss you off when he crashed through the door drunk out of his mind at 3 a.m. the night before your presentation, but he’d make sure you leave university with no regrets. He’d drag you to Jim Bob’s when you’re feeling down, throw himself into nearby objects to entertain you, and down flaming sambuca shots the night before his geography midterm.”

Our kind of guy. We salute you, J.R.

2. TODD HELTON AND GARRETT ATKINS -- Both batters drove in five runs last night as the Rockies routed the Mets 17-7. A Sports Illustrated headline pointed out the win was “historic,” as Colorado is the first team in more than half a century to sweep two New York teams in one year. Indeed, old men will take their grandchildren to the ballpark someday and regale them with tales of Jackie Robinson, Gibson’s homer, and when the Colorado Rockies swept both New York teams.

3. DMITRI YOUNG -- Apparently, Washington has a baseball team called the Nationals, and apparently they have a good first baseman who made the All-Star team this year, and apparently he went 3/4 with a grand slam and a double last night, carrying this “Washington Nationals” squad to a win over Chicago. Who knew?

AND A VICE PROMINENTLY ON DISPLAY AT A CERTAIN HOTDOG EATING CONTEST YESTERDAY THAT SHOULD PROBABLY LEAVE US ALL FEELING A LITTLE ASHAMED OF OURSELVES: GLUTTONY-- There are millions of starving children worldwide and we have a contest in which two guys slam 129 hotdogs in 12 minutes. Perhaps it’s time we re-evaluate ourselves.


malcolm said...

Don't worry, I've got your backs... I've already got a Ron Goldman joke written into my Buffalo Bills preview, to be released later today at!

Hayesism said...

no one should be surprised with todd "high-altitude" helton. he's simply been doing it for a decade.

Anonymous said...


don't you mean Todd "high testosterone" Helton? Let's hope he doesn't get the rage and pull a Benoit...