Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Three Stars (and one nominee for the Awkward White Guy Club president)

Last night’s studs:

1. ICHIRO SUZUKI -- What was more entertaining? Ichiro’s in-the-park home run, or his post-game MVP interview, for which he showed up in a suit and brought a translator while a FOX reporter awkwardly kept changing her mind on whether to hold the mic to Ichiro speaking Japanese, his translator speaking Japanese, his translator speaking English, or Ichiro listening to his translator speak Japanese.

2. PACMAN JONES -- Naturally, when you see a headline with “Pacman” and “traffic” in it, you assume the Tennessee Titans corner was caught crossing the Mexican border with four pounds of heroin in his colon. Much to our surprise, Pacman was merely cited for several driving citations last month. We know giving Pacman a star for traffic violations is like rewarding your pothead son for getting caught stealing money from your dresser instead of your secret weed stash, but it’s a step, right? Right?

3. WILLIE MAYS -- Mays was honoured at last night’s All-Star game and was chauffeured around the field in a pink Cadillac while tossing baseballs to fans. Willie Mays is cool.

AND ONE NOMINEE FOR THE AWKWARD WHITE GUY CLUB PRESIDENT: DAVID WRIGHT -- Don’t get us wrong -- we love David Wright. But would it kill him to loosen up a little bit like teammate Reyes? Reyes showcased his playful ways at last night’s All-Star game, shutting down teammate Carlos Beltran during introductions; Reyes held his hand in the air to give Beltran a pound, only to withdraw it at the last second and leave Beltran awkwardly hanging (what a joker!). He and Beltran immediately exchanged laughs.

When Reyes did the same to Wright, however, Wright meekly retreated to the end of the line and tried to act like nothing happened, like a guy who just farted in a room full of chicks and is hoping nobody will notice. Loosen up, Dave. It’s the All-Star game, you’re not meeting your new girlfriend’s parents.


Matt Larkin said...

strangely enough, I was meeting my new girlfriend's parents at that exact moment last night...

Mark P said...

Come on guys, it's spelled MAYS. Get out of your love-addled haze and look at a baseball reference book, Larkin!

In a related story, I spent my ASG writing up a real-time blog. Not doing anything like meeting anyone's parents, let alone my girlfriend's. I'm so sad and alone.

Hayesism said...

but boys, please, don't insult me. clearly i am the AWG president. i fumble and bumble with chicks, i drive a volvo, and unlike wright, i DON'T have any athleticism.

love the name game, keep that feature going