Last night’s studs:
KASON GABBARD – We have no idea who the fuck Kevin Gabbard is. For all we know, the guy could have lived next door to us all our lives, and apparently he can pitch. He tossed a three-hit shutout against Kansas City. Adjusted to factor in KC’s shittiness, that’s like giving up three runs over six innings! Not bad for a kid.
FRANKLIN GUTIERREZ – Team “who?” strikes again. Lost amidst the pure offensive carnage in Monday’s 11-10 White Sox/Indians tilt was youngster Gutierrez’s monster day. He went four for five with a homer, three RBI and two steals. Maybe now Cleveland will bat him ahead of Jason Michaels. Man, wouldn’t you feel insulted knowing Michaels bats before you in the order?
KEN GRIFFEY JR. – Too bad the World Wide Web wasn’t too functional during Griff’s glory days…he would’ve topped plenty of Three Stars lists. He continued his strange vintage season last night with a three-run bomb off Oscar Villarreal last night. Usually he explodes a hamstring or breaks his wrist drinking a cup of tea about now, but don’t you get the feeling that’s not going to happen this year? Creepy.
AND ONE GUY WHO REALLY NEEDS TO HANG UP THE CLEATS: JAMIE MOYER. The Dodgers torched Philly’s 97-year-old for 10 hits and 10 runs last night, including a pair of homers. Moyer’s now allowed 432 long flies for his career. Holy shit. If a hitter smacks 432 homers, he’s had a solid career; Cal Ripken Jr. had 431. Does that mean Moyer’s as bad as Ripken was good? Probably not, but maybe he should call it quits.