Friday, June 8, 2007

Allison Stokke: Hottest athlete ever?

Says Linksmaster Kev: “Have you heard of this chick? 18-year-old pole vaulter in the US? I’m going on record as saying she’s the hottest athlete ever. EVER. Yup.”

Followed by this: “I just re-read my e-mail… seems pretty creepy. I’m taking myself off the record.”

Correct on both counts, Kev. Pretty hot, pretty creepy. I call her Allison Stroke… my peni--aw, forget it, just click the link.


David said...

I don't trust chicks with two Ls in their first name "Allison". I've based my whole life around first name->one L, last name->two Ls. Don't go messing with the nature of things.

Also creepy? Google her name, and see how many "Unofficial" homepages pop up.

Unofficial you say? If following a high school student around and taking pictures from a van is wrong, I don't want to be right!


Paul Barnes said...

*drools* She is beeeautiful. Makes me glad I am single. Because, you know, I have a chance. Just like with Jessica Alba.

Paul Barnes said...

Ok, can she be that hot?

Larkin said...

That pole looks good in her hands, but the burning question is, "Can she dance around it?" If not, then who really gives a fuck? Plus, we can't even see her ass in this pic - it could be sloppy fat.


Paul Barnes said...

Larkin, you ignorant slug of a mucus filled boar! Of course her ass will be amazing. First off, she's a world class athlete. Second, she couldn't get away with wearing those shorts if her ass wasn't as good as all that with a shake and fries. Thirds, I believe that Ian and et al. have scientifically determined what the hottest age is and she is mighty close.

So, in conclusion, get off the blow and drink beer.

dan said...

an entire post and five comments and still no pole vaulter joke? really? larkin's was kinda close but i mean come on gentlemen all of a sudden we're too good for the obvious jokes?
tsk tsk.

Kevin said...

"Off the Record" means not to print it. No wonder there were problems at the Gazette this year.

Pretty hot though.

Matt Larkin said...

First of all, the "Larkin" making the previous comments is my dad, in case no one knew that yet.

I agree with dan -- the lack of pole vaulter jokes is disappointing. Or does it give us hope for the intellect of humankind? Hmm...nope, I'm sticking with disappointing.

I would definitely let her literally try to pole vault my penis -- as in, let her push off on it as she flips herself on to me. I would be seriously injured, but the story would be worth it.

On a side note, I think pole vaulting is one of the most absurd sports in the universe. Who decided that seeing who was the best at "grabbing a long stick, running with it, planting it in the ground and seeing how high you can fling yourself in the air" was a good way to measure athleticism?

Note: rugby is still not an olympic sport.

MATT Larkin.