Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Halladay will miss tomorrow's start: Ricciardi lied about appendix, ace's arm was amputated

TORONTO (SOJP) -- Roy Halladay will not return to the Blue Jays’ line-up tomorrow night after it was learned general manager J.P. Ricciardi lied about the pitcher having appendix surgery three weeks ago. While Halladay’s appendix remained in place, his arm has gone missing.

“Roy won’t go tomorrow,” Ricciardi told reporters outside the Jays clubhouse. “His pitching arm was removed during an operation three weeks ago. We said it was his appendix so we could have a bit more time.”

Details are sketchy, though it’s believed Halladay’s arm became gangrenous after shaking hands with Jays lefty Gustavo Chacin. When approached under his bridge, Chacin -- who reeked of bad cologne and cheese -- refused to comment and chased reporters away with a large club.

Ricciardi was under fire earlier this season after lying about closer B.J. Ryan. The team claimed Ryan was suffering from back problems but shut him down a month later for Tommy John surgery.

For now, Halladay will go back on 15-day disabled list. Though medical experts, Toronto beat reporters, and anyone with a second-grade education predict an armless Halladay won’t be able to pitch again, Ricciardi heavily criticized the notion.

“You know, [the media] like to jump to conclusions and run wild with these stories,” he said, clearly agitated. “This is a baseball thing, okay? You guys don’t know what it’s like on the diamond, you’re not doctors, you don’t know the extent of Doc’s injury, you’re not behind the scenes in the trainer’s room like we are.

“I know baseball. Roy is a competitor and it’s my belief that he will return better than ever.”

When reporters rebutted by listing his increasingly spotty track record and the fact that most of the team’s young talent was acquired by former GM Gord Ash, Ricciardi listed the greatest accomplishments of his five-plus years in Toronto.

“I traded for Eric Hinske and he was Rookie of the Year,” Ricciardi said. “And in 2004, I chose not to resign Cory Lidle. Two years later he’s dead in a plane crash. Who could have predicted that?”

Speaking of predictions, the fiery Halladay also hopes to make a quick recovery.

“We’ll see how it goes,” said a scowling Halladay. “They only cut it off from below the elbow. If I keep at it, hopefully I can return in a few weeks.”

Today, reporters pressed Ricciardi about why he felt it necessary to lie about Halladay’s injury.

“It is not the truth that matters, but victory,” said Ricciardi, quoting Hitler.

The Blue Jays are 24-27 this season and 422-438 under Ricciardi. They have never made the postseason under his watch.

1 comment:

Kevin said...

A-Rod grinds my gears. REALLY grinds my gears.